23?

She turned 23rd today! 

There's actually nothing much about this day for her except the fact +1 to her age. A year older a year wiser, they say. 

Yesterday, in WhatsApp group they were planning to have usrah today. Allah moved her heart to join them as well even though it was at 1am UK time, but it's okay as her sleep pattern has been a total messed lately. One of her girl just got a niece on 18/7 so she was super excited and she reflected the event with surah Maryam. It was a lovely sharing and one phrase that touches her the most was "if Allah can create a baby with a pure fitrah, we must believe in Him that He also can purify our fitrah". He has been wanting to say this to her like almost everyday now. He always knows best, indeed. He knew that she's on the verge of giving up on herself. But little did she know, He never gives up on her yet He always wanted her to come back to where she should be, or to where it all began. He tried to convince her that there's nothing wrong to start all over again. It's okay to take a small step at a time. But she's just too weak, she doesn't have the energy to push herself even though she knows deep down inside she wants to get over this drowning. She misses the person she used to be 3-4 years before. 

On her 23rd birthday, she realises that Allah the most caring and the most merciful has always been waiting for her and He never want anything for her but the best! How could she say no to Him? On her 23rd birthday, there's nothing that she wants other than the prayers from others for her to be strong and keep being strong. To never feel like giving up again. To always strive to win Allah's love and to keep trying no matter how hard and harsh the journey is. That is all that she wants. 

If you ever happen to read this little diary of her, please pray for her because she really needs it! 

Tell her that the shades of orange she was looking at is the colour of hope that the sun will set only to rise again! 

Have faith!

NDN, on her 23rd birthday.