Being in tarbiah doesnt guarantee that you will know what you want in life. Adulting ni banyak buat aku berfikir dan banyak ajar aku critical thinking dan banyak ajar aku untuk tak distract dengan benda2 kecil.
Sometimes kita tak sedar pun kita dah distracted. I got so lost that I feel like quitting my job everyday as I have lost my purpose to stay. Tak tahu nak belajar apa. Tak tahu kenapa nak kena hadap the toxic environment etc. Theres one day I feel like, thats it! Im resigning. Emotional habis. Glad that I have critical people around me, they brought me back to my sanity. Lol.
To lead a life without purpose is doubled the pain. Serious. Hidup sok bertujuan pun udah penat. Apatah lagi hidup tanpa purpose. Sik tahu la camna eh orang boleh hidup tanpa purpose. Mereka ingatkan aku kembali tentang cita-cita besar kita. Tentang impian ustaziatul alam kita. Malaysia kelihatan begitu jauh lagi perjalanan dakwah ini. Perjalanan cita-cita ini. Kejauhannya sering buat aku rasa ragu-ragu. But thats the nature of this path. Ia tak dekat. Ia tak mudah. Perjuangan yang panjang. But you still have to keep moving towards the dream.
Oh Allah, keep me focus on my purpose. Help me to istiqamah. Berat. Tapi jika tidak ingin menggalas beban, tidak usahlah bercita-cita.